The one that got away.

This is actually a hard blog to write as it involves someone I've still got strong feelings for but oh, how I wish I hadn't.

Have you ever met someone & felt a real strong connection to that person? I have. The problem as I found out later & after I'd fallen for him, his married with children. But I still want him because of that connection. However, the connection I speak of is pure sexual & nothing more than that (I don't think). Either way, I do feel that he is the one I let get away :-(
I've said before that I'm no angel and here it is laid bare (excuse the pun) I would happily meet with him every few months purely just to spend time with him & have sex. The sex I just know, sense even, would be electric & just what I need.
Here's the next problem since his second child came along we don't talk. Maybe he is just trying to do the right thing by his wife & family, maybe he can also sense that connection between us & avoidance is easier, maybe he just isn't interested, who knows.
I don't love him (I don't think) but I do have a mad desire for him that burns deep inside me. I miss talking to him even though I know he has told me many lies in the past.
So what do I do? I can't make the guy talk to me but I would like that opportunity. I need to know the reason for his silence. He used to tell me he thought about me all the time but was that a lie too? I really don't know and I would love to ask him. I would love to meet him again even if it was just for lunch and a drink.
He is the one guy that I feel has got away and I want that raw passion with him or do I just want what I know I can't have?

Bad sex or no sex?

Is bad sex better than no sex? Is there a right or wrong answer to this question?
I could pick up my phone, send a message to a certain someone & arrange to have sex with him. Nothing else just sex. Now, lets face it as a single lady my life is kind of lacking in that department so surely I should take up the offer. No, actually I don't. The reason I don't take up his offers is that I know from previous & recent experience it's not all its cracked up to be!
The guy in question has sent me several messages over the last few weeks offering what I know I need (let's face it we all have urges and needs). However each time I've turned him down and the reason, crap sex!!!
It could be fair to say that he may of been having 'a bad day' on the few occasions I've let him into my bed & also it would be unfair of me to say that the whole experience each time was awful because it wasn't. So is my reluctance to let him into my bed again due to his performance or me just not being interested? For me in this particular case it's the latter. My conclusion is reached by the lack of spark between us between the sheets and probably fuelling my lack of interest. A spark & connect is a important factor for me whether it be a one night stand (I may add that's not something I really enjoy anymore) or a beginning of something.
So am I being unfair and unkind to this poor guy who shows a lot of interest? And is bad sex really better than no sex?