Why raise money for Severn Hospice?

The first time dad went to Severn Hospice it was to go to the day centre. I was not impressed by this one little bit to say the least, after all a hospice is a place for people waiting to die. Then after a few weeks he was then admitted as a patient onto the ward. I was told that doctors there are specialists in cancer and would get his medication correct as by this point he was in pain 24/7. Again I wasn't at all happy at him being in there, in fact I was completely disgusted & appalled by it all. I was worried that being in a gloomy place where people waited to die would have more of a negative impact rather than good.
I went to visit dad on the evening he was admitted. When I arrived I was asked to sign in as a visitor and I was shown through a security locked door. A nurse met me by the reception area of the ward, (she must of sensed my disgust at being there) and showed me around. There was 8 rooms on the ward for patients, a communal kitchen, a peaceful sanctuary, a quiet room and three communal lounges. The nurse told me I could help myself to tea or coffee at anytime from the kitchen and that I could visit dad at anytime of day or night that I wished to. I walked into dads room and as well as dads bed there was a reclining chair, another chair with foot stool, a small table with a couple of chairs around it, a wardrobe, tv and a bathroom twice the size of mine at home. Dad seemed happy so for the moment so was I.
The next day I returned to the hospice, signed in again at reception & was let through the security door by a friendly, smiling receptionist. I then got to see dads room in daylight & with the curtains drawn back. I'd missed the French doors that opened out onto impressively well kept gardens (that's some feat considering it was January). This room did put many hotels to shame!
Throughout the next few days I met the nurses, receptionists and voluntary workers but they were all smiling, happy, laughing and joking. Dad got on great with the nurses and they all seemed to like him. Both myself and the rest of the family used the kitchen to make ourselves drinks. Strangely I actually felt relaxed being there and we filled dads room with family photos.
Over the next few weeks that dad was staying there I chatted to the nurses about anything and everything, I even joked with them and laughed but the cancer was now starting to attack dads body & he was getting considerably worse. I remember one tough day walking out of dads room to be met by a nurse who never said a word she just simply hugged me. Mum stayed at the hospice with dad most nights, the nurses had put a single bed for her in dads room. The nurses at the hospice were not only nursing and caring for dad they were also caring for the whole family.
Dad had good days and bad days. I can recall dad telling a nurse that he would love a can of Carling. The nurse looked at me and told me to go and get him some, I did and dad and I enjoyed a can whilst we chatted. This only lasted about half an hour as dad needed sleep but it was an important moment and the nurse who told me to get the lager obviously knew it. Mum was staying at the hospice and ordered food for herself from the kitchen. It was seriously yummy home-cooked food, I know this because I also ordered a few meals from the kitchen for myself.
Dad did pass away in the hospice on 14th February 2012, the worst day of my life. But yet again the nurses excelled themselves, they were comforting, considerate and extremely thoughtful. The nurses dealt with so much for us and made things so much easier.
But what about all the patients waiting to die? I never once felt whilst I was there that it was a place for people waiting to die. I did get to meet relatives of other patients and also one or two patients themselves but it was joyous and a comfort not awkward or full of gloom. Obviously people do pass away there but the staff are so thoughtful and considerate that no other patient or their relatives ever see anything distressing. I was very wrong in my initial assumptions and shamefully so.
Severn Hospice is about life not death, it has a wonderful sense of calm when you walk in, you can feel and sense it. The whole ethos of life can be felt throughout every area of the building and through its staff.
The nurses are living angels at the hospice and so are the support staff, volunteers and all the other staff that work behind the scenes. They treat the dignity and care of patients as a priority yet relatives are never forgotten. Dad was blessed to of been in their care and I'm blessed to have met some truly wonderful people. So that's why I will raise money for Severn Hospice it's my way of saying thank you.

What happens after the funeral?

Yesterday was my dads 70th birthday and also his first birthday since he pasted away in February.
This year so far has been tough and brought me many obstacles to overcome the majority being emotional. I was a daddy's girl, still am and always will be so his death hit me really hard. He was diagnosed with cancer two years before he passed away and lived a happy normal life until 5 months before he died. The cancer spread and took hold quickly. I carried on working full time and continued studying for my degree during this time. The guilty I felt each day going to work was unbearable, so 4 weeks before he died and when he was admitted to Severn Hospice I took time off work. During this time I kept things going and was the strength for the rest of the family.
After dad passed away I had a further two weeks off work and again was the strength for the family. I even spoke in church at dads funeral.
Once I had returned to work, I felt I had to return to 'normal' and the rest of the family were busy getting their own lives back to 'normal'.
But, what happens to close family and love ones after the funeral? For me I felt empty and withdrawn, my king was no longer here and I missed our daily chats (always about 7pm). For days and sometimes weeks I'd only talk to work colleagues or family (and that was because I had to). I even stopped going out with friends I had no interest in nothing whatsoever.
However after about 5 months something seemed to grab me from inside, it was like something was shaking me up to do something positive. This forced me to begin the road to recovery to begin being 'me' again, but only stronger and more appreciative of the world around me. I say begin as I always strive to be better and stronger and something inside keeps me focused. I no longer cry everyday but I don't beat myself up if I have a moment and breakdown, I'm told that's normal. I began seeing friends again and not just a few but all my friends. I started gaining an interest in life again, also things that were once important to me were seen for there trivia and began not to matter anymore. I have even started giving blood.
I've always had a strong mind so staying down for long was never going to be an option.
Before Dad passed away he asked me if I was to raise money for charity then to raise money for Severn hospice. I'd seen the hospice advertising many charity events so I looked into them and chose two. The first being a 10k midnight walk in May, I knew that'll be an easy challenge for me and was. The second would test me to the limit and mean facing my fear of heights. A 500ft 'come fly with me' zip wire off RAF Cosford museum building. I can still see the look on dads face when I told him I'd signed up to do it. He told me 'I was mad', I fear he maybe right! The zip wire takes place this Sunday 30th September. I'm nervous yet excited and also determined. I'm determined to do this and completely savour every moment of it. Dad won't be there to watch me in person but in spirit he'll be there and I will be making my dad proud of his little girl.
So, that is my experience of what happens after a funeral. I crumbled for a moment and then I fought back and after Sunday I'll be even stronger again. My only problem afterwards will be, what next? Next year my charity fundraising for the hospice must be bigger and push me further and harder. I have a few ideas in mind and what a physical and mental challenge 2013 could be.

The dating game.

Being single has its advantages, I mean I'm sat here in a pink fluffy bathrobe & matching socks, hey I'm bringing sexy back. One disadvantage must be the dating game and let's face it is one big game. I've dated cheats, liars, bores, the love himself and also those that are to keen & borderline stalker.
I can recall having a few dates with one guy & instinct kicked in to tell me all was not as it seemed. After some investigation I found out he was married plus seeing someone else as well. Needless to say this guy was rather quickly dumped & when he, a few weeks later begged me for a second chance he was told a very firm no!
On another occasion I dated a guy who throughout the date spoke unfavourably about his ex-wife. The guy clearly still had issues with her & completely bored me to death. I send an SOS message to my wingman (a female friend) to help me escape from him. I ended my evening at her house watching a DVD & eating Chinese takeaway.
Another guy I dated I ended up seeing for a few months. Really I should of known that the relationship was doomed as his nodding like the dog on the Churchill advert irritated the hell out of me. Plus, the sex was shit!
Another guy I dated for awhile provided me with excitement in the bedroom but boredom out of it. The boredom was such that having arranged a night in with him to watch a DVD & get a takeaway, I decided a few hours beforehand that leaving work, having a relaxing radox bath & watching Corrie seemed more appealing.
I could go on for awhile reminiscing & recalling my past failed dates but the thing is I'm so damn good at picking a tosser. I'm even spanning further than my local county to find them now & I'm sure they'll be mentioned in later blogs. However the thing is I do enjoy lounging around with no make up, my hair unwashed in my warm fluffy pink bathrobe & socks. Would this be acceptable behaviour in a relationship? I suspect during the honeymoon period, no it wouldn't. My cats give great cuddles & don't object to me wearing my favourite lounging outfit, without make up & unwashed hair so for now I'll stick with them. That's until I get asked out on a date again!!

To blog or not to blog!

After much thought I've decided to start blogging. I've yet to work out why or even how I've arrived at this decision but hey ho!!
The thing with this blogging lark is who is really interested but then I think of my life and it can be rather comical yet occasionally not so. Maybe this is a reason to start my ramblings and confess all and lets be honest I do always do things in life the difficult way.
You also need to know I'm hot headed, stubborn and when I get an idea in my head then there is no reasoning with me. However, I do have many great qualities loving, thoughtful, caring and I love to flirt but only in an innocent manner!!
Anyway enough for now,
much love x