I knew right at the end of 2011 that 2012 would be a tough year and indeed I seriously underestimated that.
2011 ended with my cat Bobbin having a stroke. He was an old man; we had been through a fair bit together over the years. My dad was also seriously ill at this point too. His cancer had spread and had become rather aggressive resulting in him spending several periods in hospital. Also towards the end of 2011 I got two new cats from the RSPCA in Shrewsbury.
2012 began with Dad being admitted into the Severn Hospice. I've previously mentioned my initial disgust at this and how wrong I was. I wrongly assumed that a hospice is about death. The reality is the exact opposite it's about hope, love and life. The hospice cared for dad and the rest of the family so well and I really can't thank them enough. On 14th February Dad passed away in the hospice. Dad's death left a massive hole in my life. I've always been a daddy's girl and so much closer to him than the rest of the family. He understood me because we were the same so alike in good and bad ways. My nightmare had just begun.
I took 6 weeks off work at this time, 4 weeks before dad died so I could spend as much time as possible with him and 2 weeks after he had died. During dad's illness I stayed strong for the family. Whilst arranging the funeral I stayed strong for the family. The few weeks after dad died I stayed strong for the family. When I returned to work, I fell apart. In hindsight I should of stayed off work for another week or two to grieve for myself.
The next few months of 2012 are a bit of a blur. I know I totally withdrew myself from my social circle and some days I'd only speak to work colleagues and family or just family at the weekend. Life wasn't the same and I now realise it never will be the same ever again but I can learn to deal with the change. Work was tough during this time too and added more pressure and stress. I'm not sure but I could probably count how many times I smiled or even laughed during these months.
By the end of the summer term I was ready for a good break from work. It is at this time that things started to turn around. It felt like something grabbed hold of me, shook me and forced me to get my life back on track. I began to go out with my friends again and make contact with people who I hadn't spoke to in months. I was also hitting the gym harder at this time. By the end of the summer I felt so much better and I had lost the few pounds of weight that I had gained at the beginning of the year. My tears hadn't completely dried but I was able to cope so much better.
On returning to work in September I knew I was in for a tough few months with changes in staff. Again I underestimated this. I was doing more than necessary but it was needed to keep things going, stress levels were high.
During November I was starting to find things tough again especially as Christmas was around the corner. On 30th November my cat Casper got hit by car and was killed. I'll never forget the cries of my other cat Horace, and the sight of him licking Caspers dead body. It was another blow and a knock back for me. But by this time I'd already decided that I wanted to find some inner peace so I picked myself up and began to think towards a new year and happier times.
Surely 2012 can't be all bad? I have learnt a lot about myself. I know that I have got the inner strength to deal with what life throws at me. This year has been tough but I've got through it and tackled what life has thrown at me on my own, and in my own way. Through Severn hospice I have met some lovely people. The hospice also gave me the wonderful opportunity to face my fear of heights. On 30th September I did a 500ft zip wire to raise money for them and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I savoured every moment of that morning and I'm fully aware that Dad was looking upon me with a proud smile. That was my last promise I made to him before he died. I can still see the look on his face when I told him that I'd do it for him and him telling me that I was mad. At one point whilst taking in the splendid view at the top of the building his words came back to me, for a moment I had to agree with him but the view and the whole experience taught me otherwise. I faced my fear, I raised money for a outstanding cause and it made me even more mentally stronger.
As 2012 comes to a close I shall put the sadness behind me and move forward. 2013 is going to be the year that I find my Mr.Right as I feel I'm now ready to share my life with someone. (It should be pointed out that he needs to have an abundance of patience to put up with me!!). I'm yet to choose a few goals for 2013 but it's guaranteed that they will test my physical and mental strength to make me an even stronger and better person than I am now. I also intend to carry the ethos of the hospice into my own daily life, creating love, hope and a better life for all.
My motto for 2013:
"I am ready to accept change and I know that only good things are coming my way".
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